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FIRST CONTACT

Dradis operator - Multiple new Dradis contacts! I have one large bogie, escorted by eight smaller craft. Probably a heavy raider with 8 escort raiders.
Commander- Roger that. Launch all vipers.
XO passing on the command- Launch all vipers! Repeat, launch all vipers. Engage multiple bogies closing in on the fleet. Launch all vipers!
Moments later the the CAG- I have bogies on Dradis and we will have visual in a centon. I have visual contact. Bogies do not appear to be any of any known Cylon configuration. Appears to be one large craft that is towed by 8...ummm...organic life forms.
XO- Come again CAG. Have you been into my stash of Ambrosia?!
CAG-That's a negative. Bogie is one large craft being pulled by 8 creatures that appear to be mammalian in nature. No idea how they are surviving in outer space. The large craft has a very large humanoid aboard. Very fat. No space suit.
XO- It's a frakin' Cylon trick. Weapons free!
CAG- Roger that, weapons free!
President- Hold your fire! This may be our first contact with Earth.
Commander- Try to make contact. Broadcast on all known bands. Hostile greeting.
Crewman- Aye sir! Broadcasting hostile greeting in all known forms of communication. Sir. I seem to be getting a response.
Commander- Put it on speaker.
Crewman Aye sir. On speaker.
President- This is President Rosilin of the 12 Colonies...
Starbuck- I'm on his 6. One false move and blow his a-
Boomer- Starbuck, we should make sure they are not from Earth. This may be first contact.
Starbuck- Frak that!
President- Hold your fire Starbuck. Attention unidentified craft. We come in peace. Identify your self.
Unidentified craft- Ho! Ho! Ho!
Starbuck- What tha FRAK!?
Boomer- He just called us all hoes!
President- Unidentified craft. This is-
Unidentified craft- Like I said, you're all naughty hoes. You banged one of your students when you were a teacher, then you banged President Adair Adar, and now you're doing the Commander of the fleet! Starbuck? Boomer? They're as bad as Baltar...who is ALSO on my naughty list along with his Number 6. And Apollo! You're always stabbing your Dad in the back! What's with that?!
President- I WILL KILL YOU AAAAAAALL!!!!
XO- What should we do Commander?
Commander- Sometimes you have to roll a hard six.
Unidentified craft- Yeah, your XO's a lush and your Commander has a serious gambling habit. No wonder you lost the war! You were ALL very naughty!
Commander- Starbuck, what do you hear?
Starbuck- Frak! One of them just took a dump and got felgercarb all over my cockpit window! After I fry his ass, nothing but the rain.

TO BE CONTINUED...